Wow, it's been a while. How are you all?
This is just a little mini-baby post because i'm bored and felt bad for not writing anything for ages. I'm reading McSweeney's issue 33, which is a newspaper and completely wonderful. It's called the San Francisco Panorama and it has all that McSweeny's goodness, but my favourite part is the Panorama Book Review, which is a supplement magazine and is full of book reviews and little stories and quatrains as filler.
I thought i would share with you a very short story from it, because it makes me laugh.
Witness Protection Bridge, a very short story by Dicky Murphy.
When incriminating evidence was found at the base of the Brooklyn Bridge, essentially deep-sixing New York's most powerful crime family, the authorities knew they had a serious problem on their hands. It was one thing to put a rat fink and his family into witness protection. They did it all the time, and it worked. But how would they save the Brooklyn Bridge from the reprisals that were surely in store?
It was the world's most famous bridge. People knew where it lived.
After the Army Corps of Engineers sadly submitted that they couldn't move the now terrified bridge without serious damage, Blank Foster, the head of the FBI. said they'd just do the next best thing. Thus, the following morning, the Brooklyn Bridge was gone. In its place stood a nearly identical bridge, except this one was called the Runyon Bridge, and it was adorned with two additional American flags.
To this day, some still speculate (the indicted mobsters included) that this Runyon Bridge is, in fact, just the Brooklyn Bridge all dolled up like a big old baby.
Wasn't that nice? I hope you enjoyed it.
I'll write more soon, I promise.