Last week at open mike night, my friend Alex performed a rap about how he wished he was Jewish, and a rather racy love poem, for which he requested a 2 syllable name from the audience. I Yelled mine out and he performed the poem to me, which was hilarious if slightly embarrassing. Afterwards i thanked him, and he said that one day he would write me an original. Fast forward to last night at Write club, a society for writers of short fiction and poetry which we both attend, and he stands up, explains what happened at open mike night, and tells the group that he's written that original poem just for me.
Here is the poem, which i heard for the first time in front of about 25 people, most of whom i don't know. It was one of the most embarrassing and hilarious moments of my life thus far.
When I saw the one called Lucy,
How I wished she would seduce me,
Kiss me with those Thurman lips,
Straddle me with those Hayek hips,
Thinking of her, one on one,
Late at night, I’ve had my fun,
Down I go like the setting sun,
I can’t wait to make her – Whoa!
A little soon, I would say so,
This Lucy girl, she is no whore…
…Her homemade dress falls on my floor,
Dammit, I’m a man undone!
It’s a little weird for everyone,
First I rap ‘bout Judaism,
Now I’m rhyming ‘bout my jism,
Sorry all for all this filth,
It’s her that mused me! Blame the lilf,
Anyway, back to the song,
In all its many shades of wrong,
This Lucy makes my heartbeat restless,
Her Seberg body leaves me breathless,
I know that I’m no Michael Cera,
And that this poem will prob’ly scare her,
But I’m a cheeky little fuck,
And so I hope with any luck,
She’ll break my post-poetical tension,
Satisfy my crude intention,
See my spritely smiling face,
And let me get to second base.
I absolutely love it, and have a copy posted up above my desk. I especially like that details of our conversation last week have found their way in, like how i was wearing a dress i made myself, that i love Jean Seberg and kind of want to be her in Breathless, and that i have a deep and enduring love of Micheal Cera. Utter genius!